Friday, August 31, 2012

I am SOOO Inspired!!! I am SOOO Excited!!!!

I am convinced as I get to running that I have some ADD. Never diagnosed, but boy do I have trouble staying focused. I force myself to go on runs and half way into long runs I find myself getting very inpatient and just wanting to stop because my mind is going 10 miles an hour and I want to go find projects to do.

RunDisney does a GREAT job of inspiring runners with fun videos and great pictures and I look at these almost daily to encourage myself to get out there and run. They recently did the Great Medal Caper where you went on an adventure to find Donald who had taken the Marathon Medal design because he thought his medal had been ignored. It was loads of fun.

The Great Medal Caper ended with the unveiling of the 20th Anniversary Marathon Medal and it was beautiful. I am on a mission to obtain that medal and I love watching the video over and over again.

What do you do to stay inspired?

Monday, June 4, 2012

I Cried on the Way Home Tonight

This RunDisney year is hard for me. I have told myself that it would be and I have prepped my brain that it was going to be a challenge, but the emotional roller coaster is already insane and I'm just beginning. Thank Goodness for a good Counselor!

On Saturday at Karate, I was having a great time, without fear and truly in love with the sport.
Today, I cried the entire way home. I feel clumsy and ridiculous.

On Saturday during my run, I finished my last long run of the conditioning program and felt fantastic. My old injuries were even feeling good.
Today, I started the formal marathon program and feel hopelessly overwhelmed at how slow I am and how poor my endurance is.

On Saturday, I was elated when I stepped on the scale and noticed that I have dropped 25 pounds.
Today, I look in the mirror and see a fat girl with several obesity related health problems that require medications that continue to make me fat.

In 3 days I have felt the extremes of what this year will continue to bring and no in between. I've been psychotically happy to the point where people have a hard time being around me and so discouraged to the point where I don't want to be around anyone else.

As I was driving home today and realized I was crying and feeling sorry for myself, I tried to give myself  a rationale pep-talk. I'm a Hospice nurse for crying out loud. I pride myself in being comfortable with people who are at the lowest point in their lives and being able to bring them hope through kindness and prayer. But I couldn't do that for myself today.

Jeff Galloway, the official trainer for RunDisney, talks about these emotions in his book MARATHON You can do it! It's the Left Brain logic vs the Right Brain intuition.
The Left Brain is all about logic. Whenever anything gets hard or even MAY BECOME hard, it's your left brain telling you to STOP or SLOW DOWN. Fear is in the Left Brain.
The Right Brain is all about creativity. It's the one giving you the encouragement to keep going and a bazillion ideas on how to solve problems. Courage is in the Right Brain.

The problem with our culture is that we live almost entirely in the Left Brain (I certainly do). So it takes training and prayer and meditation to start to use more of the right brain and drown out the left brain signals.

Wow! My Left Brain is LOUD!
Karate
The more and more I learn about Karate, the more and more I realize that I have so far to go. Complicating this is that I cannot find any books to teach me what to do that is consistent to what my Sensei's are teaching me. I'm a book learner and an Obsessive Compulsive researcher, so it is making me absolutely crazy that I can't sit down and read everything I want to know about Shaolin Kempo.

Running
Most folks know this about me because I've told them, but most folks I know today has never seen this from me, BUT... There was a time when I was a state runner for High School and College and not only completed distance races, but PLACED in them. I used to have a mile time that was less than 5 minutes. I was really good at running. It's been a long time since those days and I've had kids and depression and I so often feel like I just cannot get to that place I used to be.

Weight Loss
So, because I used to be an excellent runner, I was also pretty thin. I was one of those girls who complained because I could not find sizes small enough for me {I know, even I am going to go barf right now}. Now, I am obese. And I have several Obesity Related Illnesses. For these illnesses I have to take medication which has side effects that slow down my metabolism, increase my appetite and make is very difficult to lose weight.

So if I do what my Left Brain is shouting at me to do right now... I'd give up entirely.

But here's the thing... That's never worked well for me and then I get really pissed off at myself. I'm not one of those people who feel ashamed. Nope... I feel anger (Again... Love that Counselor).

So, I'm going to try something new. I'm going to force myself to work from my Right Brain for a bit. It's not comfortable at all for me, but if I am going to do this and feel good about it, it's time to change my brain.

Karate
I am accepting more and more that Shaolin Kempo is more art than book learning. It's a beautiful mix of athleticism, logic, quick thinking and grace. If I continue to compare myself to the ones in the black Gis that have been working for so much longer than I am, I'll never get to where I want to be. So... I'm going to quit worrying about belt colors and rank positions and just enjoy the movement and beauty that is martial arts.
Yep... Gonna need some prayer on this one!

Running
I have 7 months to get faster and stronger and gain endurance. That's a REALLY long time. Since beginning the conditioning period, I've gone from a 18 minute mile to a 10 minute mile. That's a minute a week improvement. I'm going to keep a flow chart and just keep focusing on the small goals.
Ditto on the prayer!

Weight Loss
I'm not stepping on the scale anymore and I'm not concerning myself with the stupid mirror. My clothes are baggier. I feel stronger. Likely, I'll lose inches, but not weight for awhile. Galloway talks about weight loss in running as well and states that what I lose in fat, I'll replace in water for the muscle cells and increased blood flow for oxygenation.
I think I'm going to need to read that chapter every night for awhile.

Am I never going to cry and get discouraged again. Actually, I'd love it if some of you could take turns allowing me to call and wallow for awhile because those moments are going to come again and again (and my poor husband deals with it so very often). It's OK to feel those feelings as long as you don't allow yourself to get so stuck in that space that you can't move forward into the rewards as well. In the past, I got stuck. I'm determined not to do so again.

Anyone got any good books on motivation?

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Watching Story Trek Motivates me to Run

Story Trek is a rockin' program that my sister and brother-in-law work on. They are both rockin' photographers that travel this rockin' country with a rockin' crew and videotape rockin' stories.

What in the world does this have to do with my RunDisney goals? Well, I'm going to tell you...

Whenever I tell people that I enjoy running marathons, the common responses are:

1) "I could never do that!" (actually, you probably could, but you'd have to read Take the Stairs and Quitter 1st)

2) "Are you Insane?" (Nope)

3) "Aren't you a little bit big to be a runner?" - Actually, I only got that response once from a male nurse who doesn't think he's a nurse {If you have RN behind your name, you're a nurse} on Valentine's day right after he had admitted that he didn't plan anything for his wife and wasn't going to... I was so taken aback by the comment, I, did and still do, think it's really funny

Long distance running, while quickly gaining popularity, is not enjoyed by very many people. I personally find the greatest peace in my longest runs. Yes, they are hard, but out of pushing myself and forcing myself to go a little further, I find enormous amounts of peace and calmness. It's really cheap therapy. I'm able to calm my mind, sort out my thoughts and find peace within being who I am.

So far, there are only 2 people who really understand this about me.

My husband, Nathaniel AND
My sister, Shirstie.

Nathaniel is not a runner. His knees have the beginnings of arthritis and he's 29 years old. Since we'd like to put off knee replacements for a couple of decades, he's not going to be pounding on them for 26 miles at a time, ya know. But, he's seen how a run will take a terrible day where I am miserable and cranky will calm and soothe my racing thoughts. He is my number 1 supporter and even while he is going to school and our income has been cut, he has been the one pushing me to run and telling me that even though it's expensive and will require sacrifice, we will find a way to pay for my RunDisney year.

Shirstie on the other hand is a runner. She and I have always been competitive in running and endurance races. She knows the Runner's High 1st hand and the amazing feeling of crossing the finish line. She's the one I can talk to about Sports Bras, Garmen Watches and the miracle that is Body Glide (I wish there was a way I could bathe in that stuff).

Shirstie (she's the skinny chick in the picture) works for Story Trek.

She revealed to me a few weeks ago that if Story Trek is picked up for another season, she wants to run the Walt Disney World 1/2 Marathon.

I DESPERATELY WANT THIS TO HAPPEN!!

What a great kick-off to my RunDisney year to have my sister with me. I've been wanting her to go to a Disney theme park with me FOREVER. We never went as children. Our family was a bit below the middle class line and usually dinner was a bigger priority than saving for a Disney vacation. Since I've been married, I've gotten to go 4 times, but Shirstie hasn't been yet. I need to go to DisneyWorld with Shirstie:

1) Because I live in a family of all boys and I don't get to do anything Princess-like when we go to DisneyLand or DisneyWorld. I need some Princess time (nothing against pirates, but a girl needs to be a princess once in awhile).

2) Because she'll be there to hug me when I cross the finish line - did I mention that when we competed in endurance races, she always won. This means that she'll likely cross the 1/2 marathon finish line before me. Her husband will be there to hug her and she'll be there to hug me. It's PERFECT!

3) Because I know it's something she really wants and because we're close, I can feel her want in me. I want it for her.

So...Here's what we need to do. We all need to watch Story Trek so that this AWESOME show will be picked up for another season. It's on BYUtv every Monday. You can also watch it online by clicking on anyplace I have written Story Trek.

I am praying for this show to get picked up for another season. Not just so Shirstie can run with me but because it really is an awesome show. They show how our "everyday" stories are really extraordinary and they link people from across the country together because likely you have a similar story and you can identify with these folks. This show will change the way you look at your neighbors, colleagues and strangers. It's awesome!

Plus... She doesn't know this, but I've already signed her up for the Walt Disney World 1/2 marathon!


Thursday, May 17, 2012

New Marathon Course

I'm in Week 6 of the Conditioning program and doing great. In fact, the hardest part of staying motivated is not moving onto the actual training program. I haven't run in a year and last time I did, I got hurt. So I'm taking this slow and steady and working through the conditioning program 1st. It's easy. It's boring. BUT... I know it's the right thing to do to stay injury free.

So ESPN Disney released the new marathon course this week. They released a video and I am so excited. It's a brand new course for the 20th Anniversary of the Disney Marathon Weekend. The Goofy race is more than 60% full. I'm so glad I signed up for that right away. The Goofy Race is for those who want to do the 1/2 marathon on Saturday and the full marathon on Sunday. I have also signed up for the 5K on Friday. The Disney joke is that those who do the 5K - 1/2 marathon - Full marathon are doing the Dopey. It's fun Disney Humor and I'm happy to take part.

The new marathon course takes the runners to the Disney Speedway and we get to run ON THE TRACK!! It also lets us run around the Baseball Field at ESPN Sports. I'm going to pretend I'm running the bases (minus 2nd base, of course).

I'm getting pumped. The 1st set of races is about 8 months away.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

What Kempo has to do with Running

So week 1 has come and gone and I am onto week 2. Last Saturday I did my "long" run. I also went to Zultimate Self Defense Studios in Redmond and past my belt test and became an orange belt.

I am doing 2 things (well, more really, but these 2 things are the biggies) to get ready for my RunDisney year.
1) I am doing the Jeff Galloway Training Program
2) I am taking my Kempo training sessions way more seriously.

JEFF GALLOWAY PROGRAM
This is the program that Disney recommends. I have looked at every inch of his website and I have read his book Marathon: You Can Do It! I am really encouraged. It boasts to be "Injury Free." I was sceptical, but in week 2, I am starting to understand and be encouraged. I started doing what he calls a "conditioning" program. I do these short runs that are 5 seconds of running and 55 seconds of walking. It's nuts! Once 5 seconds of running is over, I don't feel like I've barely started running until I start walking. As a former competitive distance runner, this feels absurd to me.

On week 1, I really started second guessing myself. I broke down in tears several times overwhelmed with the goal I set for myself, overwhelmed with the financial burden, angry that I am running 18 minute miles, angry that 1 mile is a long way to go. It took my amazing husband reminding me not to give up, to pray and to just TRY.

But on week 2, I am starting to understand why I am running only 5 seconds at a time. I haven't hurt myself. The daily runs are not so taxing that I do 1 and then don't do another for 5 days. The times are increasing, but not overwhelmingly so. Also, I am still dealing with a couple of healing injuries. I've noticed that I am able to do this conditioning program without triggering those injuries. My foot feels fine. My shoulder feels fine. My knee feels fine. I'm able to progressively finish runs without pain or exhaustion. I've also read several blogs of competitive runners that report that the run-walk method Galloway has recommended has actually given runners faster times, not slower. That has kept my motivation up.

KEMPO
I've become very serious about kempo. But not for the physical fitness aspect. Kempo is a type of martial arts that is a mix of several different martial arts. Since beginning, I have seen quite the change in my mood and mental status. I have lost 15 pounds and I do feel a lot stronger, but it's done a much more important thing for me. It has drastically reduced my Social Anxiety, Shyness and Negative Thinking. When I started I was incredibly trepid. I hated going to group classes (and missed a lot of them) and found excuses to get out of my individual lessons. I would work myself up to the point that I would make myself sick (usually migraines). I could tell that my Sensei was getting frustrated with me, but she didn't give up and I feel a lot different. I'm still shy and I still have a bit of a hard time in social situations, but it is completely different now. It's not as intense. I don't have panic attacks and I don't use medication to deal with the emotions.

I really don't know what it is about Martial Arts that changes the mind and soul, but I have seen and felt it. My oldest son has gained some self-esteem and become more socially healthy. My youngest has gained some self control and gone from being kicked out of Sunday School to able to mind his manners and be very well behaved. My Sensei doesn't do counseling or self-help lessons. She teaches us all Martial Arts. It's not anything exceedingly amazing. Just step by step instruction in Self Defense. But it is magical! I've tried to find some books on the subject, but haven't been able to find much (if you know of some, please let me know).

Continuing my work in Kempo will help me prepare my mind and emotions to keep going when things get hard. It will give me the emotional stability to be able to get through 6 hour runs and boredom and aches and pains. I really think that not doing this work for my emotions and mental well-being is a huge reason for failing several times over the last 2 years.

So I'll finish Week 2 on Sunday and keep on keeping on.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

I'm not insane, but I would still appreciate prayers for my sanity


 These are about the only 2 photos I like of myself. I'm not photogenic. I'm not ugly (a little pudgy, but not ugly). I don't have poor self-esteem (although it's not great either). I'm just not gifted in the photogenic department. If you look hard, you will notice that 1 eye is bigger than the other and I don't have good muscle control in the smaller eye (my opthomalogist is completely enthralled with this quirk). When we're chatting and I'm laughing, you don't notice a thing, but when I smile for a picture, I look like I'm winking at the camera in a kinda creepy way. I try to stick with really good photographers (like my sister) and vere away from coworkers and friends snapping photos willy-nilly.

But I like these photos. 1st - Because it has my son and I doing something together and I love that he does these events with me. 2nd - Because I'm in my element. RUNNING. I love to run. It makes me feel free and relaxed and empowered.

I used to be a competitive runner. I was fast and even placed in a few distance races in college. Early in my 20s I entered a long deep depression and I quit running. I gained weight and then thought I couldn't run because I weighed too much. The cycle continued.

A couple of years ago, I started trying to run again in order to lose some weight. But I didn't fix the depression part and I felt sorry for myself because I wasn't the runner I used to be and I didn't train the right way. This led to 1 injury after another which confirmed my poor attitude that I couldn't run anymore.

Well, I've done some counseling and I am feeling so much better and I am ready to tackle this running thing again, but in a different way.

My favorite races that I have had the most fun at were the few Disney races I ran. They are usually pretty flat, have tons of entertainment and lots of music. The top picture is when Alex and I finished the Up 5K in Walt Disney World. I went on the next day to complete the 1/2 marathon and the next day got through about 8 miles of the full marathon (I'm rather slow and was running behind a walker who missed the class on tying your shoes BEFORE the race begins. I stopped when she stooped down and another runner crashed into me. I flipped over her and jammed my shoulder - I was {am} a tad angry).

So here's my goal: RUN ALL THE RUNDISNEY RACES IN 2013. This consists of 14 races in 7 race weekends (7 - 5Ks -- 1 - 10miler -- 5 - 1/2 marathons and 1 full marathon).

NO, I'm not crazy. I promise. I'M EXCITED. This time, I'm going to do the Jeff Galloway program which focuses on injury-free running. My mother is TOTALLY freaked out. In my half-assed attempted in the past 2 years, I have had a litany of injuries. My jammed shoulder was the least of my concerns. I had 8 stress fractures, plantar fascitis, sprains, strains and I actually gained weight instead of loosing it.

I am wondering if folks could help me along my journey in a few ways:

1) PRAY - This is a large undertaking. I'm going to have to work MORE (I know less seems logical since I need train, but I also have to pay for this weird idea). I'm going to need to keep at it and Lord, PLEASE, I need to avoid injury.

2) Come Back Here - While counseling has been an enormous help in changing my thought patterns and bring me more out of my shell (most people don't know that once upon a time, I was a weird kooky outgoing personality), I still have a bit of a tendency to slip back into negative self-sabotage thinking. If folks could come back and support me in this, I think I can keep myself out of this rut.

3) Kick my butt once in awhile - If you here me make excuses to get out of runs, yelling at me is fine. The Jeff Galloway program has a very high success rate for preventing injuries, but since it is so easy going on the body, every single run is important to do in order to increase strength and endurance. Please don't let me get away with excuses

4) Donate? I'm not going to spend the next year begging for money, but if you did want to give up a latte and send me $5 a month, I'm not going to turn that down. I'm going to work every extra shift I can, do as many classes as I can in my business and pinch every dime I can. I'm NOT going into debt for this though. I'm estimating that this is going to cost between $10,000 and $13,000. Disney races tend to have some of the higher entrance fees. There is also airfare, hotels, food, good shoes and insoles (prior foot injury to prevent recurrence), clothes (I really hope this helps me drop a few pounds) and body glide (I'd bathe in that stuff if I could... It's miraculous) to consider.

Thanks all for reading my craziness and I hope you'll come back often to check in!